Today is a day I’d like to forget. Unfortunately, it’s one of those days I’ll be remembering for a long time... A and I have been having major difficulty just getting along lately. I’m at a total loss what to do. Consistency isn’t working. Boundaries aren’t working. Time out isn’t working. Putting toys away isn’t working. I’m just exhausted and am wondering where I’ve gone wrong. It feels awful. I look at J and see that she relies on us for everything...happily...that she is so innocent. Then I think two things...A used to be that way. And there will be a day when she is not, and we’ll look back and remember these days with A. Everyone talks about the responsibility of parenting really settling in with them when they bring the baby home for the first time. For me, it didn’t begin then, really. It’s now just hitting me. And hard. I feel like I’m failing my son. And I can’t help but think what he’ll be like as a kindergartener, a teenager, a young man getting ready to leave home. It really is true, that these few years we as parents have to shape our children, to guide them really, go so quickly. And there’s no second chance with them.

Anyway, I actually called D at the office today, but couldn’t bring myself to ask him to come home. I was desperate for some help. For a break. For something. I just didn’t know what to do. A and I settled on the idea that we both needed to be alone for a while...so he played in his room and I unloaded the dishwasher and began working on dinner. It seemed to help, but I sensed his hurt in being told that he needed to have some time on his own. We had dinner after D came home, then I gave the kids their baths. D settled them both into bed. I was glad to have the time with A...he played with his fish and fishing pole and grumbled about brushing his teeth, just like always. But he let me talk to him about the day and how tomorrow would be better. And he let me hold him, just for a minute, before he ran off to bed.