Normal, I guess

I heard this on the way to work this morning. In short, it was a piece about how working moms of today spend as much time with their children in “direct child-care activities” as stay-at-home moms did in the 1970’s. It turns out not to be as simple as that statement; indeed we’re talking two different eras. But it was interesting nonetheless.

I’m someone who feels incredibly strongly about choice for women who have children. I’m extremely fortunate to be married to someone who feels the same way. It doesn’t matter to me whether a mom works at home, works outside the home, or makes the home her work. It matters to me that she is able to do what she wants to do and what is the best thing for her and her family. I realize that not all women are fortunate enough to be able to make the choice to stay home if they want to, but I’m glad we live in a society where a woman is able to choose to go to work...and where women are able to earn a living for their families.

I’ve never felt particularly guilty about working. I’ve worked ever since A was 9 months old, and I’m confident that if I didn’t go to work, I’d be unhappy, grumpy, and a pretty unfit mom. I find satisfaction in my job. I worked hard for my degrees and I like the challenge of using my education daily. I like that people outside my house depend on me and my expertise in some other area besides diapers, recipes, and laundry.

The work I do here at home is incredibly important. Along with D, I’m responsible for the health, well-being, scheduling, and running of my family. And when it comes down to it, I never question which is more important - my family or my job. When my kids are sick, I don’t think twice about staying home with them. As A progresses into school (and J too, for that matter), I will make it a priority to be a part of that process. But when things are running well here at home (and perhaps even more when they’re not!), I need something else. Another facet, another responsibility, another depth. And I find that through my work.

I have many friends who have made different choices, and while we all question the choices we have made from time to time, it’s fascinating to me to see how well the choices we have made seem to fit all of us. I have friends who work full time, friends who work part time, friends who work out of their homes, and friends who are home full time with their children. And while none of us claim to be perfect mothers, I think we all would say we’re doing what we truly want to be doing. And I think we’re extremely lucky.