One of my best and dearest friends is getting married this summer. She’s 32, has waited a long time, and has found a mate that is so right for her...well, it’s pretty wonderful. She’s the analytical type, your typical social worker, and because she’s a fabulously independent person with tremendous spirit and inner strength, I think she’s taking this step into marriage a little more seriously than most. Not that I advocate anything less. But she questions all the little things and is really taking to heart the commitment she’s making. She’s been seeking the advice of those of us who married shortly after college and have now been married 8, 9, or 10 years.

Today she sent me an email that said their wedding invitations went out today. I think it was nearly panic-inducing for her...she said it made her nervous to know that now all their loved ones would have those invitations in hand, and would be anxiously anticipating the day of their wedding. I kind of remember that day and those feelings, but for her it’s just a little different.

She said she needed to know all about the best parts of being married.

In thinking about how to reply to her, I thought about a conversation I had with my mom this weekend on the way home from my friend’s bridal shower. My mom has been a widow for 12 years now. I know that she misses my dad every day, in ways I can only begin to imagine. I told my mom that when D was away a few weeks ago, I found myself realizing that I take so much about him for granted. There were many times when I wanted to tell him something and I knew he wasn’t at the other end of an email or cell phone call because he was busy in meetings. I realized that I don’t really think about how grateful I am that he’s the last person I say goodnight to every single night, and the first person I see each morning. That he’s there to talk to each evening, that he’s able to manage any math question I throw at him, and that he keeps the Internet connection to our house working. He pays the bills. He calms the children. He recognizes when I’m at the end of my patience, and he makes me take a break. He encourages me to do and be anything and anyone I want to be.

Sure, I would survive and go on if for some reason he were no longer here. But life would be much less fulfilling and much more difficult.

On the lighter side of things, when I posed the question tonight at dinner for D to answer, he paused thoughtfully to think about what the best part of marriage is for him. While he was thinking, A piped up and said, “CAKE!”