To the Lady Who Bagged my Stuff at WalMart:

All right, dumbass. Strawberries are fragile. They do NOT belong UNDERNEATH 8 ears of corn. Yes, I realize that the strawberries were not of the freshest variety, but they were the best that your store can seem to stock. So I paid my ridiculous per-pound price and took them because I need them for a recipe.

I hate your plastic bags. They do not stand up and keep my items contained in the back of the car. I really, really hate your plastic bags when you over-stuff them so that when I go to unload my groceries from the back of the car, the bags split open and my not-so-fresh strawberries go spilling all over the street in front of my house.

Bread is even more fragile than strawberries, and I have particular people in my household who do not wish to eat the bread that was squished nearly flat because you put it in the same bag as my apples. Seriously. What were you thinking?

I hate shopping at your store. I hate it that I come to your store to purchase mega-packs of diapers and baby wipes and cosmetics and bathroom “stuff” because your store sells it cheaper than the other grocery store here in town. I hate it that I don’t have it in me to drag my children into and out of two different stores every single time I need to do the weekly grocery shopping. So it is likely that I will continue to patronize your institutionally gray aisles even though I feel a moral quandary every time I do so. Because at some point I may decide that the convenience you offer in the ability to purchase facial cleanser, storage totes, and cottage cheese all in one stop really isn’t worth the complete and total frustration I feel every time you uncaringly mismatch my purchases into your worthless little plastic bags.

Would you please go through your produce section there at your store and rid it of everything that has clearly passed its prime? From what I saw today, you could remove all of the napa cabbage, most of the apples, several heads of cauliflower, and a few crates of nectarines. For those of us who try to feed our families well and would like to take advantage of the abundance of summer produce, it’s highly irritating to have to pick through piles of brown, smushy fruits and vegetables to find the least tainted in the bunch for which to pay way too much.

It’s too frustrating to go on. I’ll stop here and kindly ask that the next time...you allow me to bag my own stuff. Because strawberries covered with street grime aren’t very tasty, and squished bread makes the most unattractive toast.