Six.

My boy. You turned six today! With joyful anticipation and exuberance you came into our room so early this morning and asked in a hushed whisper if, since it was your birthday, it was OK to come in and snuggle. I know that you just wanted to move the day along to that moment when you could tear into your birthday presents, but I wanted to have a few quiet moments to remember that day six years ago when you came to be a part of our family.

You don’t like hearing about the details of the day. You grow embarrassed as I blink back tears and swallow hard as I remember the moments of your birth-day. I suppose you won’t ever understand, until that day when you welcome your own first child, just how mysterious and hopeful and magical and frightening and overwhelming that moment is. And that’s OK. For your mama, it’s OK to go to a quiet place of remembering each year on this day. I remember how drastically different life became after your birth and how, although it is painfully cliche to say, I would never again be the same.

Perhaps this birthday is for me the most difficult yet. This year has brought so many changes to our lives and we’re still very much in the swirls of adjustment and upheaval. This year I’ve had to give a little more of you away, and I’ve realized that as you grow, I will be sharing you. I will be sharing you with your teachers and your friends. I realize how desperately I want for you to be happy more than anything else in the world. I also realize that a mama will always wish to be the everything for her child, but as you spend more time away from me and from our family and home each day, you will need to have others along the way.

It’s as it should be, I suppose. I want you to learn and grow and figure out just where it is you fit. I pray each day that you will be gently guided to good people and spirits around you and that your life may be shaped by them. I hope that you can be a good example for others.

Six years ago this night we welcomed a wide-eyed little bundle into the world. You made us change and grow in ways we could not have begun to imagine prior to your arrival, and each year brings more growth and change and wonder. You amaze us every day, and as we continue to grow together, I’ll continue to need your patience (and I promise to continue trying to be patient with you). I will watch as you spread your wings a little more each day (but I will secretly wish in some small part of me that I could hold onto you and keep you as my own forever).

Thanks for making me a mom. Happy birthday.